Dog Soldiers (2002)

Trainspotting's Tommy, the train conductor from Howl (2015), and the Game of Thrones onion smuggler team up to shoot tall CGI Scottish wolf beasts with assault weapons. In the overly hasty intro scene, a girl is ripped in half by an unseen monster while trying to have a bit of camping sex. It looks like it was shot on a camcorder, and the entire film is underexposed and green-tinted.

The Welsh military has a very tough soldier selection process, involving some choreographed flashlight kung-fu, and which end with murdering innocent dogs. They don't quite have the budget, the dogs are shot off-screen. They don't have the budget for a good cinematographer, either, but camera cuts are free, so there's plenty of budget for those.

The whole military seems to be made up of clones of Mike from Spaced. They're out an on exercise, battling some Special Forces team. They chatter excitedly about footy and bollocks over the chirpy chirps of birds. There is an orchestral soundtrack, but it tends to take some pauses. The soldiers talk about the intro scene like it's a ghost story, then do some whistle-marching in their best Full Metal Jacket Mickey Mouse March impersonation. They don't think it's too concerning when a cow corpse drops on their campsite from the sky.

The special forces guys are lurking around in the woods, and getting splattered against rocks by panting first-person cameras. When the Normal Forces go to investigate an unexpected flare, they find Special Forces Stew. Their sergeant says "we are now up against live, hostile targets!" That this is happening in Scotland doesn't phase them nearly as much as you would expect it to. The radios are down, because werewolves famously disrupt RF transmissions. The last remaining Special Force speaks in riddles, even though he's fully conscious and would be capable of not being an asshole.

One way to make a movie on a budget is to film a handful of men running around in some woods while constantly twisting and aiming and reloading their firearms. Spin the camera and cut frequently to generate plenty of suspense. If you need more suspense, you can show a jeep's tire spinning in mud for like… minutes!

It goes full Bad Taste when the sergeant's stuffed animal guts fall out and a fellow soldier pushes them back into his belly so they can run around. They hop into a completely random lady's jeep to go to a local farm. There's soup boiling on the stove, but nobody is home except a border collie. Farms didn't have telephones in 2002 Scotland. The gutless guy is still with them, his stuffed intestines rubbing all over the farmhouse's dinner table. Until the border collie plays tug of war with them.

The wolves stop being secretive. They surround the place and try to pull the doors open. Then they conveniently stop without reason so the soldiers can have another Bad Taste moment and vomit on each other. The frequent pans across the gas stove tell us that the gas stove will be important.

The soldiers haven't commented on the fact that they're fighting wolf-people, they just call them "the enemy." The random jeep lady seems to know what they are. She tells them it's wolf-men, which they've literally just seen, and they deny it. She says, "I know how to kill them," nobody pays attention, and she doesn't repeat herself. The soldiers grab various murder weapons, like swords and electric turkey knives, from around the farmhouse. This is required because they are terrible shots and are wasting all of their ammo.

The sergeant asks a soldier to punch him unconscious during routine intestinal surgery in the farmhouse bed, which the soldier does, thus officially upgrading it to somewhat-comedy. It's not fully committed to the genre, though. Jeep lady tells them it's werewolves again, which they deny again. She says she's a zoologist who is up in Scotland to study lycanthropes. They find that a good reason to finally introduce themselves.

The Special Force guy is still an asshole, and is healing unrealistically fast, so they accuse him of lycanthropy and tie him up. The wolves choose this time to bash in all of the windows and doors, which apparently they could have done at any time because they were bulletproof all along. They aren't swordproof, though. It cuts around frantically while the soldiers reenact every war movie stereotype they can think of over the course of 3 loud minutes, except for any stereotypes involving military prowess or teamwork. One of them gets Evil Dead II kidnapped out of a window.

They discover that a camera flash is their most effective defense against werewolves while one of them hotwires the farmer's jeep. He gets fully liquified before he finishes, so it sticks with the Night of the Living Dead farmhouse tower defense plot.

Mr. Special Force wolfs out suddenly, for no reason other than dramatic effect. They hit him with every weapon in the house, which does very little, then he jumps out of the window.

The gutted sarge is no longer gutted. His intestines are back in and fully healed. Jeep girl was a wolf all along, has a strange monologue about it, and becomes the first werewolf to actually die. It's much more effective to shoot them when they're in human form. They finally admit that the farmers are all missing because they are the werewolves.

The house is ripped apart during several parallel bouts of hand-to-paw combat, in which the soldiers perform much better than when they had guns and grenades, but they lose anyway. The sarge starts to transition against his will, leaving only Tommy and the border collie to escape while sarge stays behind to finally arming the gas stove for detonation. It's the most explosive stove you've ever seen.