2069: A Sex Odyssey (1974)

director: Georg Tressler
release-year: 1974
genres: scifi, sexploitation, comedy
countries: Germany, West Germany
languages: German
fests: Sexploitation Horror Fest (2022)

German sexploitation sci-fi comedy, originally in German I think, but I watched it dubbed in English.

Sexy space aliens from Venus depend on human sperm for the survival of their civilization, so they head to Earth to harvest 10,000 years worth of resources. Apparently, to the Austrian alps.

A TV report says something about a "secret ski camp." I don't know why ski camps need to be secret. The mayor sees the aliens and assumes they are five French girls at secret ski camp, training for the Olympics. As expected, this means we get some goofy ski chase scenes, sped up to try to make them more exciting. It doesn't work.

The aliens apparently freeze solid when their space suits are removed, presumably something to do with acclimation to the environment of Venus, though they don't bother to explain. In any case, they're easily treated by placing them in a sauna. This process apparently also sexually excites them for unexplained reasons.

The mayor, who looks quite a bit like William Shatner but speaks like Pete from Twin Peaks, informs the aliens that he knows their secret mission and is happy to have them. He means Olympic ski training and they mean semen collection. It's probably supposed to be a comedic misunderstanding, but they forgot to do the comedic delivery. The script is all puns, but nothing is delivered like a joke.

The aliens capture some locals, take them to the spaceship, and attach a milking machine to them. They don't complain about it.

Most of the aliens get hit on by men, think it's a cannibalistic ritual, but give in willingly regardless. "Hit on," is giving the men too much credit; in most cases they just say "hey, you're a girl!" and whip their pants off. The aliens determine this to be more effective than the machine on their spaceship.

Despite constant nudity and sex, the film has almost zero eroticism. Likewise, despite every single line being a joke, not one thing is funny. The only source of entertainment is the sci-fi sets, which are made from plastic and cardboard and tinfoil, and are quite enjoyable. It's like somebody watched Barbarella but had no idea what made it entertaining.

After an extremely messy scene in which every member of the village attempts some half-assed slapstick comedy, the aliens decide to not finish their mission and they just stick around on Earth and literally make babies.

I'm not sure what the age restrictions were in Germany for nudie films, but assuming that this film was targetting primarily 12-year-olds, it probably served its purpose.